Puling up the big girl panties

Recently someone told me to pull up my big girl panties.

At first I was taken back, because they were serious.

My first response was to make a potentially serious moment funny and ask sarcastically if that was "a fat joke".

It wasn't.

It was a serious comment from someone who loved me, someone who was my mentor and someone who was very right.

Criticism, negative words and loss can cripple anyone, knock you off your track and leave you doubting and confused. I was recently suffering from a case of the blues and was starting to lose my way.

My Mom would always remind me as a child that "you can't control what people say, but you can control what you say and what you do". When I was young, I would roll my eyes back in my head and mumble "gee thanks Mom". I didn't see the deep truth in what she told me at that young age. I didn't see the timeless advice that I would need to cling to years into the future.

I was recently reminded that despite my unrelenting efforts, what was going to get said, was going to get said. What was going to happen, was already in motion and no amount of pleading, trying, scrutinizing my words and deeds, could change what was to occur.

No matter how deeply I wanted my true character and heart to come shinning through, I couldn't run to every person who heard the other side of the story. I was at the mercy of someone who had once loved me and had now for whatever reason come to resent me. I was criticized and had no chance to take the stand in my own defense.

And instead of holding my hand as I bitterly wept, my mentor kicked me in...my panties and told me to pull 'em up.

"Criticism is a part of life" they told me "you cannot create your own PR machine all the time. There are always going to be people who talk, positive and negative. Once you let criticism speak to your self worth, you are on a spiral for disaster. Those who are committed to you and love you are the ones that have earned the right to help you course correct your shortcomings and failures, but those who speak about you instead of to you don't have a voice."

They reminded me that no one who is living, moving and breathing is immune from the words that people will speak, but you can become thick skinned and tune out voices from the crowd.

As I slowly began pulling up my big girl panties I started wondering how many other people I knew became crippled by the words and actions of others. It has been said that "fear is the prison where potential is confined" and I wonder how many other people are jailed by their fear of what other people think of them.

The irony of life is that no matter how kind you are, someone will think you are fake.

If you become very confident of who you are and what you are doing, someone will say you are cocky.

If you are a bit of a rebel, they will call you a lost cause or a bad apple.

If you love deeply, they will say you are too emotional.

If you dream wildly of a better future, they will tell you your head is in the clouds.

You will eventually, in some way, in some manner, be dammed if you do, or damned if you don't.

So, if you, like me, are struggling against the tides of loss, self doubt, criticism and confusion, do yourself a favor and pull up your big girl panties.

Be kind, love big, dream in color, rebel against injustice, be confident in who God has called you to be, stifle the voice of the critics and cling to the voices of those who are journeying with you. Let those who criticize bring out the best in you, not the worst. When someone speaks against you, and gives you a hard time, respond to them with the energies of prayer and kindness, even if they think your fake.

So join me and pull up your big girl panties and deal with it. There is a whole world out there waiting for who you are and what you have to give. Don't let criticism cripple who you are or what your called to do. Your too precious and too important to give up now.

Your big girl panties are calling...

“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.” Theodore Roosevelt